“Discovery Party has been developed by Jen Gash from ideas about how we support each other as friends, especially women. They have been created as a way that life coaching can reach the world in an accessible, affordable and above all fun way! A Discovery Party is a low pressure way that gives you practical tools to bring about positive change rather than focusing on past regret. It is also about recognising that you don’t have to read millions of books, go on expensive courses or become a tee total fitness freak in order to make your life as you want it to be!!!

The idea is so fabulous (we think!) that it has been selected to be part of BBC Three’s Be Your Own Boss programme and as part of this opportunity we are holding several parties in and around Bristol to help as many women (and the odd man!) as possible to start on the path to the lives they want to achieve using our simple and fun format. It’s only £5 to attend one of these events so book your place now or email info@discoveryparty.co.uk to find your nearest party:

Monday 21st May 1pm to 3pm The Square Club, Clifton,Bristol
http://dpsquareclub.eventbrite.co.uk/?ref=elink

Wednesday 23rd May 10am to 12 noon BHive, Regus, Temple Quay, Bristol
http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/event/3530643249

OR

If you are a Coach yourself and interested in finding out how to become involved in Discover Party we are running a special evening just for you on Tuesday 22nd at 7.30pm at The Square Club, Clifton

To find out more or book your place go here:
http://coachesdiscoveryparty.eventbrite.co.uk/

Reviewed by Megan Kelly

The Night Circus seems to be one of those novels that slipped under some radars but thankfully not everyone’s. I finally gave into friends and reliable reviews lauding this book and kicked myself for not having read it the week it came out. Morgenstern’s first novel is astounding. She has achieved out the gate what others strive at for decades. Light delicate sentences that almost seem to give too little, give just the right amount of description for your imagination to fill in the gaps. Word choices and images of spaces stay with you long after the book is closed for the night.

Over all, ‘The Night Circus´ is one of the best books I’ve read this year. It is more then just an incredibly well written novel of old men’s waning pride, young love, first true love, and what is means to find a destiny away from the one you thought. It re-sparks the imagination, makes you rethink the coming night, and remember that love and family can come from the most unlikely places.

My thought is that this is the very worst way of becoming an entrepreneur.

I am, by all accounts, and unbeknownst to Facebook, already an entrepreneur. I know this because I’m often invited to speak about my journey to becoming an entrepreneur. My c.v. says that I am one of the UK’s 50 Female Entrepreneur Ambassadors. I mentor individuals on their business journey.

I mention these facts only by way of getting to my point – there is nothing special about being an entrepreneur and you don’t have to go to college to learn how to be one.

I was listening to a fascinating talk by Matthew Syed the other day. Matthew is journalist and broadcaster and was an international table tennis player. He was talking about our obsession with talent compared to endeavour; why we admire, for example, footballers like Ronaldo with their “effortless” genius but are rather less fond of the “workmanlike” Paul Scholes who has clearly worked to make the very most of a smaller amount of talent. He said that he became an international sportsman of outstanding quality by playing a lot of table tennis.

This struck a chord with me as the most frustrating thing I hear when I’m talking to people is, “I couldn’t do what you’ve done”. Yes you could – there is no mystery – there is no gene for enterprise – there is no God-given talent.

Matthew Syed went on to make the point that our focus on “natural talent” was destructive in that it led to those who were deemed not to have an innate gift to give up. How many times have you heard people say, or maybe said yourself,  “I have no brain for Maths,” or “I just can’t do it, my brain doesn’t work that way”.

Actually brains are really plastic and if you use bits they grow bigger. For example, the region of motor cortex that controls the piano playing fingers is larger in pianists and, crucially, it has been found  to expand in the brains of volunteers learning to play the piano.  Pianist were not born with a massive motor cortex which allowed them to become concert pianists, they practiced playing the piano and the more you play the bigger the area becomes. Practice not genetics – development not a gift from God.

To illustrate further, Mozart, a renowned child genius could play the piano like a master by the time he was 6. A genius, surely. Well no. Further examination reveals that he had been playing the piano from the age of 1 under instruction from his piano teaching father. Mozart had crammed in more hours of practice before the age of 6 than most pianists fit into a lifetime.

So what is this to do with enterprise?

Simply this. Just do it. It’s as simple as that. Like any new skill you will try and fail and learn and improve. There is no mystery.

One more thought. Up until my late 20′s I fancied myself to be an artist. I did the odd painting  and assured myself that my day job in medical marketing was really just a cover for the true genius within. In early 1990 I visited a Peter Howson exhibition. He is the same age as me. What struck me was not the quality of the work, which was outstanding, but the sheer quantity of these finished works. There were rooms full of canvases. He was an artist because he actually painted – that’s what he did. While I sold dialysis equipment he painted. I was definitely not an artist. 20 years later I gave up my day job and made sculptures – full-time, day in, day out. I got good and had my work in galleries across Scotland.

And a final observation. I was the salesman of the year every year for my company. I was not a great salesman. That is not modesty. As my manager observed, I simply made more calls than anyone else or as he put it, “the more raffle tickets you buy the more prizes you win.”

A perfect triumph of effort over aptitude.

Barbara was born in 1960 and grew up on a farm in the South West of Scotland. She runs a communications consultancy, Plan B Collective and has provided strategic communication support for national and local government, Scotland’s Commissioner for Children and Young People, El Sistema Project and the Scottish Wave of Change Cultural Olympiad project. In 2010 she led a national pathfinder Glow Co-create project funded by Creative Scotland and Learning & Teaching Scotland to create a digital artbank for the national schools intranet.

Barbara trained as an Executive Coach with Strathclyde Business School, studied Counselling Skills (COSCA), is a qualified life coach and trained as an independent celebrant. She is Vice Chair of the Board of The Arches, is a Director of the Board of Kinning Park arts and community complex and been an Adviser to Creative Scotland. She has two grown up children, lives in Glasgow with her partner and plays in a women’s samba band.

Speaking at the launch FinalFling.com Barbara said; “FinalFling.com is more than just an online funeral planner. We hope Final Fling will be to death what mumsnet is to birth – a place to come if you find yourself in new territory, unsure.”

“The UK is facing a care crisis. We have a growing and ageing population and shrinking budgets for health and care. We are heading into the golden years of the Baby Boomer generation, who like to be in control and want to do things differently. FinalFling.com offers a win-win solution. It’s a one-stop-shop for end of life planning.

“Government gets active citizens who take personal responsibility. Citizens get the power to make decisions, change their mind, influence their care. Government saves money on end of life care. Citizens get closer to having the death they want. And evidence shows this has a huge positive impact on grieving families.”

FinalFling’s mission is to encourage people to think ahead, talk openly, challenge the norm and take control of the plans for death and to help people make life and death decisions whilst valuing choice, control and difference.

FinalFling.com features practical, emotional, spiritual and creative support.

FinalFling.com sources a wide range of services. There are the more obvious: directories of funeral directors and celebrants; products and services – wicker coffins, motorbike hearses, ashes made into fireworks or diamonds, planes and boats for scattering ashes. There are the more esoteric: environmental artists and stone carvers who can create memorials; writers, painters, photographers and film-makers who can create portraits, biographies and capture stories to celebrate a life; and the less-known ‘soul midwives’ and ‘death doulas’ who provide end-of-life-companion services for the increasing number of people who live alone and ‘celebratory artists’ who can create meaningful rituals for a ceremony, funeral, end of life celebration or memorial:

“Religion, authority and tradition may have lost their hold in our increasingly secular society but we still have the need for spiritual and emotional support,” explained Barbara.

“We have associate artists who can help create what you might call ‘rites of passage’ events that mark life’s milestones. We have end of life companions to support someone on their final journey. We can point to Humanists, independent celebrants, ceremony planners and creative artists who can help them find the balance between sombre and celebratory to create those rich rituals that help healing after a loss.

“Ultimately, FinalFling.com will help people get the death they want – and evidence shows that if we get the death we want, it’s easier for family and friends to cope with the loss. The starting point is thinking, talking and recording your wishes. That’s what we’re here for.”

As I have reflected on that extraordinary dialogue over the last 12 months, a question kept presenting itself to me: if so many women keep leaving, how will we ever re-dress the imbalance of the constituencies within these monolithic entities? I was working from an assumption that to effect change from within, one would have to work from the inside and so the corollary of that led to a question about how to support women to stay inside them. I have sat with those questions for nearly a year…. And have only just begun to notice these embedded assumptions.

Being part of something where success is defined in one-dimensional terms of BIGGER, MORE, BEST so often leads to distorted judgement, division, separation, rejection, ejection. The assumption propping up what is essentially a distorted capitalist pursuit is that only the brightest, strongest, fastest, biggest, best survive. This mindset is a form of entrapment AND it is NOT true. Darwin is misquoted: what he actually said is …

This view is affirmed by what we now understand through the study of complexity sciences.
Additionally, the more we go for bigger, brighter, stronger the more we can end up driving diversity out of our systems. Lack of diversity in a system is a sure-fire way to ensure its decline and death. We recruit based on assessment protocols that are driven by outdated paradigms – paradigms that are not fit-for-purpose in our complex, unpredictable world. No wonder we have so many monochrome Boards which recruit in their own image which operate on somewhat self-serving, back-scratching ways: e.g. the unspoken, unwritten code that operates undercover in so many, ‘so-called’ independent Remuneration committees – ‘you vote for my pay-rise and I’ll vote for yours…’. Maybe the system is simply too far gone – too broke, to repair?

My previous assumption that we have to change such institutions (e.g. by changing the chemistry of Boards) is of course simply an option; another is that we could encourage – amplify – the exodus and let these organisations drive themselves to extinction. Meanwhile we could celebrate and magnify the transformative powers that are inherent in the DNA of every woman. We are life-giving vessels in which transformation is made possible. What more might be possible if each and every one of us amplified the principles of our creative-force-for-good by bringing to life, new living productive systems. Many of us have already joined in with this movement…. Across the world and its hemispheres, women are making change happen – in our new ‘enterprises’, in our villages and towns and cities. Perhaps our next challenge is how to connect ourselves differently to make more sustainable, life-enhancing change occur to save our world?

© Louie Gardiner © 30th April 2012

I’ve been reminded of this whilst working on a project for an SME client that’s involving a significant rollout of product across the UK. Unsurprisingly, there have been some challenges and I’ve been able to draw on experience from my days in the Auto industry, in particular about how to handle supplier quality issues.

The steps I developed were to first focus on fixing the problem, then clearing up the fall out, and finally investigating why it happened. Without that, it’s easy to get stuck in why it happened, who was to blame etc – which will take you away from the solution. So my experience has allowed me to stay focused and systematically work through the issues.

Without the right experience, it’s easy to get oneself and others bogged down in the less important items. Looking back at one role I did earlier in my career, as MD of a car component company, with hindsight I could see that I spread myself too thin. I had to think hard on every move as I didn’t have the prior experience to just “know” what needed to be done, and in what sequence.

To give some context, there were problems to be dealt with in virtually every area: behind on a multitude of new projects, high scrap levels, poor quality (and unhappy customers), lack of business in one overseas subsidiary, a problematic start up of a new plant in another, cost overruns, no long term strategy…

My mistake was trying to do a bit on all of them and in particular initiating work on developing a strategy. Whilst it made sense, the fundamental issue, as any experienced business person would spot, was cash flow. The poor performance all round meant we were losing money today – and if that didn’t get fixed, we wouldn’t be around for any new projects or fancy long term strategy! Learning from the experience, I now work with a clear list of priorities: cash, existing customers, new customers.

Other symptoms of lack of experience I’ve observed include people coming in to a situation with a belief that “the answer is X”, where X might be things such as process mapping, improved accounting software or product line profitability. It might well be that they are part of the solution, but a fixation with preconceived ideas is dangerous. In one case, a consultant totally buried the client in detailed process maps – great work but inappropriate at that point.

In many situations, you can work your way through. Experience is less important as you have time to consider your next move, talk to experts and work out solutions as you go along. It’s only in crisis situations, where there can be little margin for error, that experience is worth so much more than even its weight in gold.

Back in my auto industry time I recall the words of the grizzled manager running the Body Assembly area, Derek Godsell.  Talking about man-management skills, he said, “you need a good selection of tools in your box, you need to know how to use each of them, and you must know which one is for which job.” I think it applies to many areas, though of course one can’t be expert in all of them. Bringing people in to your team who do have the relevant experience will strengthen your performance.

The challenge with SME’s in particular is often the lack of resource. So fewer people – perhaps just you – have to cover many bases. Secondly, even if you want to recruit expertise, without at least some knowledge, it can be hard to tell whether someone really has it, or is just a good talker. The truth is only revealed when that crunch moment arises and they’re put on the spot.

So what are the key benefits of experience? What I value most is:

1. Knowing what to do instinctively – picking the right things to focus on and what to leave out
2. Knowing how to do things – in particular handling a variety of people
3. Having a nose to sniff out whether something is a big issue or not
4. Having a big contact base – being able to call up others for advice straightaway and having people I know and trust
5. No – or at least few – surprises.  I’m less likely to be shocked by something, and better able to anticipate. It helps me to keep calm in crisis situations, with clearer thinking and lower risk of panic measures

It all adds up to the ability to focus effort more effectively and get results faster – exactly what’s required in high pressure situations. So to the crunch question – how to get it and get old ahead of your years?

1. Being on the planet for longer helps! Although, in my opinion, having a range of experiences is just as important as having depth of experience in just one field
2. Ensure you’re getting good quality of experience. The things I most value now are having handled high pressure situations – for instance product launches, cash flow problems, operational problems, presentations to Boards of plc’s, preparing and delivering a major address to over 1700 people – in German etc. My recommendation would be to seek out challenges that continue to stretch you – whatever stage you’re at in your career. Of course they carry a risk of failure – but if you stay in your comfort zone, you’ll never get the scar tissue that makes up truly valuable experience
3. Observe and learn from others. You’ll be in contact with people with more experience than you – perhaps in different fields – whether at customers, suppliers or high profile business people through the media. Take the time to notice what they do and understand their approaches. They’re likely to have developed strategies to handle all kinds of situations that crop up in business.

For most people it’s inevitable that the older you get the more experience you have, so it really does pay to be old and to have older employees around you (preferably mixed in with younger ones). If you want the experience of an older person then seek out opportunities to grow and stretch yourself. If you’re willing to learn from each experience then even ones that feel like disasters can add to the tools and knowledge in your box and ensure that you behave as someone with experience beyond your years – however old (or young) you are.

About Hilary Briggs

Hilary Briggs is a profitable growth expert with over 15 years of industrial experience, having held senior management positions at Rover Group, Whirlpool Corporation and The Laird Group plc. For the last 10 years, she’s worked with SME’s to improve their profitability. Hilary is Managing Director of profitable growth specialists R2P Ltd.

www.hilarybriggs.co.uk

I thought I was juggling when we just had one charity to run but the past four months has taken my juggling skills to a whole new level. And all in a good way. Andrew’s sudden and early death in January has reinforced my already strong belief in living each day as best you can and as fully as you can.

Our way of honouring him is to work with others to try to make cycling a safer mode of transport in Scotland generally and Edinburgh in particular. The ‘others’ have included very supportive MSP’s especially Alison Johnstone who tabled a motion in the Scottish Parliament in March and who now has the bit between her teeth and will continue to push for action.

But it’s hats off to the Pedal on Parliament team – this is a small group of enthusiastic and experienced cyclists who started to talk about this idea in December but really only got properly going in February. They wrote a manifesto which is sensible and achievable and through considerable use of social media and other media they spread their word far and wide. They organised a Pedal on Parliament cycle ride from the Meadows in Edinburgh down the Royal Mile to the Scottish Parliament on Saturday 28 April. (coinciding with one in London on the same day).

Ian and I were invited to join them and we did our bit in advance to promote the manifesto, petition and cycle ride. Dave Brennan, one of the organisers, told me he hoped for 300 cyclists. By 2pm as we assembled at the Meadows, it looked as though that target would be met. We even had the Lothian and Borders Police bike section as our escorts. The atmosphere was celebratory, happy, positive and noisy. And it got noisier the closer we got to the start at 3pm. By that time, it was hi viz jackets and bike helmets as far as the eye could see. After a very poignant minute’s silence there was a mass ringing of bike bells which signaled the start of the ride. I don’t mind admitting I was worried I would wobble or fall off my bike – it was three years since I had been on it. I needn’t have worried – with the support of the crowds around us we were absolutely fine cycling. It was a short cycle ride really (though we did cycle there and back from home so our round trip was about 8miles) but by the time we reached the Scottish Parliament there were still cyclists leaving the Meadows.

Estimated numbers were 3000 cyclists took part. Variety was certainly the name of the game – tandems with tagalongs, unicycles, toddlers on bikes with stabilisers, you name it and it was there. The age range was from, well a baby inside mum looking as though it was due to appear soon, to lets say the more mature generation.

The Police said it was one of the friendliest demonstrations they had attended. I hadn’t even considered it was a demonstration and so it was a first for me – never been on a demonstration before and proud that this one was my first. After his own short speech Dave Brennan handed over to me to say a few words and then Mark Beaumont, the round the world cyclist – and then to the politicians who had either cycled with us or come to support at the end.

I mention all this to you because it is the highlight of my month as far as Andrew Cyclist Charitable Trust is concerned. It was a quite extraordinary day – a day of peaceful and joyful campaigning and one I hope with all my heart sees the start of change in cycling facilities in our country.

My cup brimmeth over this month though as I had yet another highlight and one which means so very much to me. Unknown to me, STV Local, had written a tribute piece about me on their local website. It was very very nice and they had spoken to quite a few people for quotes. I was a wee bit embarrassed by it all though and didn’t share it on social media. Others did though and soon I had a flurry of comments from parents, supporters and young people. The comments that mean the absolute most to me though are the ones from four teenagers – their appreciation of my work and support to them shows me that I am getting it right. And that is what I am going to keep trying to do.

I love my inspirational quotes as you may know by now. I just got a new poster from a new website called Holstee and from it now I give you this opening quote
This is Your life – Do what you love and do it often.

The recent report released in the run up to the Mayoral elections by the Fawcett Society looked at equality between women and men in London and found women experience a full-time pay gap of 14.9%; 64% of low paid workers are women; 40% of ethnic minority women live in poverty and BAME women comprise approximately one third of London’s female population and the costs of childcare in the UK are amongst the highest in the world, heavily limiting women’s choices to take up paid work

This is all set against the backdrop of a stagnating economy where self employment is seen as the only viable option to meet the needs of women. And I am sure the picture is pretty bleak across the rest of the country for many women.

The coalition want us to believe that the UK is open to business, but ignore the fact that we are officially in a double recession where their austerity cuts, burdensome regulation and stealth taxes are not providing the economic salvation forecasted. The OECD now predicts the economy to shrink 0.1 per cent over the whole of 2012 and could degenerate into dreaded stagflation – stagnation and high inflation.

At the recent Conservative Party Spring Conference David Cameron claimed he was creating “An economy with entrepreneurs everywhere, where anyone has the chance to start something of their own.”

Previously, starting up a traditional business was seen as a lifestyle choice; but unfortunately, with a shrinking job market start-up businesses are now increasingly being seen as a vital alternative to mainstream employment for women since they are being disproportionately affected by the austerity cuts. Today, self-employment represents 1 in 7 people employed in the UK. The self-employment rate as a percentage of all people aged 16 and over is 8.1 per cent (Q4 2011); There are over 1.2 million self-employed women (Q4 2011) – 40 per cent more than there were in Q4 2000.

But with the eradication of government business support services e.g. Regional Development Agencies (RDAs) and Business Links; the concerns surrounding the women’s enterprise agenda has been met with a deafening silence from the Department of Business Innovation and Skills. Recent initiatives driven by private sector to provide enterprise support have proved lacklustre at best and hardly the strategic direction needed to boost enterprise growth in the UK.

Women Are The Backbone Of The Economy
All over the world there is the cry that “women are the backbone of the economy” and efforts should be made by government so women are able to fully participate in the economic recovery. From emerging countries where self employment is providing women with financial empowerment to western countries which recently saw the Obama administration launch a series of much needed support packages which included

• Support access to federal contracting opportunities that will help women‐owned businesses meet the 5% contracting goal and compete in more than 80 industries where they are underrepresented in federal contracting.

• The Small Business Administration will open four new Women’s Business Centres around the country, to bring the total to 114; to train and counsel women on how to start and grow their small businesses

• Elected a new Chair of the National Women’s Business Council, a bi‐partisan federal advisory council created to serve as an independent source of advice and counsel to the President, Congress, and the U.S. Small Business Administration on economic issues of importance to women business owners

These actions show that the Obama administration are providing pragmatic solutions and support so women entrepreneurs continue to play an important role in helping drive economic recovery and growth. If the UK had the same level of female entrepreneurship as the US, there would be approximately 600 thousand extra women-owned businesses, contributing an estimated additional £42 billion to the economy.
So why do we have a fragmented, scattergun, sound bite approach to supporting women’s enterprise given the prime minister emphasis on entrepreneurship as the ‘only strategy’ by which the UK economy can grow.
Banks Displaying Systematic Discrimination Against Women
The importance of access to credit from banks for entrepreneurs to thrive has never been more vital but women entrepreneurs’ are still facing discrimination in lending from banks according to a recent report published by the IPPR.
Their research suggests women are being asked for more collateral than men for loans, being charged higher interest rates and being refused loans more frequently than men. In the UK women on average pay 1% more in interest on a business loan than men, despite the fact that companies run by women are often more productive than those run by men.
It’s important to remember that the issue of women’s access to finance to start and grow businesses has been the subject of debate for policy makers, business support professionals and academics for many years. But the IPPR Report has prompted the Deputy Prime Minister to order an enquiry into ‘sex discrimination’ by banks
The way forward
MITIE Group CEO Ruby McGregor-Smith was recently announced Chair of Women’s Business Council, whose members will provide advice to ministers on how to boost women’s contribution to future economic growth.
She is quoted as saying ‘The new council will be a focused, one-year working group, with the sole aim of ensuring real action by government, business and others to maximise women’s contribution to economic growth.’
Sadly, women are much less likely than men to be involved in enterprise – their self-employment rate is less than half that of men, and they are only half as likely to be involved in setting up and running a business (ONS self-employment data & GEM UK 2010 report).
Let’s see how the government’s desire and action for women’s enterprise will be taken seriously over the next year.

Next week the Funny Women Awards heads north of the border with the Scottish Heat being held on Thursday 17 ^th May, at the City Café Edinburgh

Funny Women has been privileged to see the birth of some fantastic comedy careers with Celtic connections over the last 10 years – Wendy Wason made the Awards final in 2005, Susan Calman in 2006 and Rhona McKenzie in 2009 – so maybe this year Scotland can bag a winner.

Funny Women is seeking out the freshest new female comedy talent from all over the UK and has so far visited Dublin, Manchester and Brighton as well as running several heats in London. The competition next visits Edinburgh and the best acts from all of the heats will go through to the next exciting stage.

The Scottish heat will be hosted by Glasgow born, comic genius and master of impressions, Keara Murphy. “Electric stage presence; a genuine delight.” Three Weeks.

Funny Women is now in its 10 ^th year running and has seen over 2,000 acts enter the Awards over the past decade. Funny Women works to promote and encourage more women into comedy though the competition, workshops and Challenges.

The Funny Women Awards are open to new female acts who have been performing for no more than five years and offer several different prize categories.  The judges are looking for stand ups, impressionists, sketch groups, character, musical comedy, vent and magic acts during the first round audition heats.

The main prize this year is the Benefit Funny Women Award, sponsored by Benefit Cosmetics. The winner will receive a development package, worth £2,000, working with Funny Women and Red 24 Management, £500 worth of Benefit products and the opportunity to work as a brand ambassador for Benefit Cosmetics for a year.

The Variety Award looks for the best new sketch, character or speciality act and is sponsored by Blue Nun Wines.  The winner of the Blue Nun Variety Award will be offered a fully promoted show at the Leicester Square Theatre in the Lounge.

The Comedy Writing Award offers non-performers with great ideas a chance to compete.  Any unpublished woman can enter and the prize will include a writing commission.

This year’s partnering charity is Women’s Aid , which works to end violence against women and children, and supports over 500   domestic and sexual violence services across the country.

Any woman wishing to enter this year’s Funny Women Awards can do so online at www.funnywomen.com . The successful acts will then be selected to take part in the semi- final tour around the UK with top name hosts and headliners.  The winners of the semi-finals will perform at the final on Monday 24 ^th September at London’s most exciting comedy venue, the Leicester Square Theatre.

]]> http://www.the3rdimagazine.co.uk/2012/05/do-you-have-what-it-takes-to-be-funny-women/feed/ 0 http://www.the3rdimagazine.co.uk/2012/05/are-you-a-feminist/ http://www.the3rdimagazine.co.uk/2012/05/are-you-a-feminist/#comments Sun, 06 May 2012 20:29:26 +0000 Jane Kenyon http://www.the3rdimagazine.co.uk/?p=8845 ‘So are you one of those feminists then Jane?’

This question fills me with dread every time I hear it and it is posed in this way quite often as though a feminist is somehow other and weird.

I always take a step back before answering because I know I am about to be judged. The word is fraught with angst for me as it is so misunderstood and conjures up so many negative images.

Let’s be clear, I am most definitely a feminist, if this is interpreted as believing in equal opportunity and being allowed to celebrate being a woman, however, I am definitely NOT a feminist if this means I am supposed to hate men, behave like one and oppose all things girlie. See my dilemma?

So when women and men ask me this very innocent question it feels seriously personal and I cannot answer with a simple yes or no for fear of being misconstrued. I know the way I answer will define all future relations and positioning with the enquirer. Get it wrong and I may be banished as a tub-thumping, militant man hater or conversely, an ignorant, uneducated girlie with no gumption or recognition of the journey we have been on or the roads still to travel. Arrrgh!

It is a testament to our journey and the battles fought and won that this word evokes such emotion, but we must be proud of feminism and not apologetic. It is time we reclaimed the word in the name of equality and empowerment.

I love being a woman but sometimes feel the pressure, the rules and expectations of feminism overwhelming. There seems to be an unwritten manifesto that says feminists should be ‘full on’ all the time, deride all things girlie and feminine, have a male versus female opinion on everything, take up the campaigning mantle and be pc, serious and awfully intellectual. In fact, feminism sounds like a bore and its little wonder our young women are not queuing up to wear the badge!

It’s also a tough label to live up to. It’s similar to being the token woman around the board table, you feel the pressure of every decision you make, you forsake your personal identity as your every move and decision is put under the microscope and analysed as a ‘gender wide response’ when in reality, you were just being you!

I am a feminist but first and foremost I am a human being and have a right to own my contradictions just like everyone else! Quite often, it is these contradictions that cause havoc for ardent feminists. For example

• I am a feminist but I love all things pink!
• I am a feminist but I hate the slut walks
• I am a feminist and I abhor all products mainstreamed from the sex industry this includes pole dancing classes and Burlesque
• I am a feminist and I have had a boob job (yes Katie Price is a feminist?)
• I am a feminist and believe women should stay out of politics
• I am a feminist and I love high heels
• I am a feminist and I have botox every 6 weeks
• I am a feminist and I disagree with quotas
• I am a feminist and a daddy’s girl
• I am a feminist and disagree with abortion and think men have rights in this matter

Now, not all of these statements relate to me, but do you see the complexities? I also reserve the right to NOT have an opinion on everything, I am still not sure if Disney Princesses have a long term damaging effect on girls; I have no idea why young women think hobbling about on orthopaedic shoes looks sexy? And personally, the jury is still out on quotas as a way of increasing women on boards.
Not all feminists are the same and this is OK? Our core, shared message is one of equality of opportunity and mutual respect of the sexes, I would like to think we could keep this in the forefront of the debate and the pioneering still to come!
For the record….
I am strong AND girlie
I am ditzy AND driven
I am a business woman AND a domestic goddess
I am married AND independent
And I am a feminist who loves men! I just don’t want to be one, nor do I want to be subservient to one!