How many times have you heard a conversation in which someone blames their parents for all that they perceive to be wrong with them. Our parents are a vital part of who we are. Good parents, ‘bad’ parents, absent parents; I’m sure at some point we have all placed our parents into one category or another. I have always believed that most parents do the very best they can.
We seem to be in a time when we have psychoanalyzed this subject to death. So many people I encounter have been in traditional therapy for years: some for decades. There are only so many times in therapy where you can imagine ‘killing off’ your mother or father. Conventional therapy has its place. A well-trained, skilled therapist is worth their weight in gold. It is, however, very easy to get stuck in re-hashing the past and in so doing, actually remain stuck. It’s emotional quicksand. We live in a time when in western society, it has become very trendy to place blame outside ourselves. This is done at the expense of taking full responsibility for ones’ actions, decisions and life. There are far too many people who are trapped in such a prison.
I had the good fortune to have good parents. They fought much of the time. My father had little patience with me. My mother was highly critical of herself and others. But I turned out okay. If you ask my close friends, most will agree that I’m happy, fairly well adjusted and doing what I love. I’m very fortunate. There are many who did not fare as well. In my private counseling practice, I have worked with people who have experienced great pain and suffering. Some were badly abused by their parents, others neglected. They were left scarred in a way that makes them feel they will never find a path to a normal, healthy life. If you identify yourself with this, don’t despair. There is definitely hope.
A good, skilled therapist or spiritual counselor can work wonders. There are also some valuable keys that can be utilized by individuals to help themselves move into a full life.
There is a rich tradition that goes back centuries into the early days of almost every culture on the planet. The earliest traces of this come from the shamanic practices and beliefs of ancient times. It involves the concept of the inner forces of a divine father, divine mother and divine child. This tradition speaks of an “internal family.” The idea is that, regardless of our experience with our earthly parents, we have the ability to tap into the energy of this inner family. In doing so, we can access tremendous healing and transformation and provide ourselves with a level of nurturing and love that we may have been missing from our birth parents.
Here is a process that you can do on your own. It is very powerful. It has the potential to effect deep healing. It is not intended to be a replacement for proper medical or psychological treatment. If you are someone who has experienced great trauma in your childhood, it is important that you see someone qualified to help you. In most communities, there are local organizations that can assist you in getting the right type of help. One of the places to look is a local mental health center.
The process I am sharing with you here is meant to be in addition to qualified professional help, not instead of.
This process, while very simple to do, might take some practice. It is a healing meditation of sorts. Do not presume that because of its simplicity it is in any way “light weight”. I have seen many people let go of terrible pain from their past, and begin to live a life of real freedom.
1. Find a place where you will be able to sit, undisturbed, for about 20 minutes. Its best if you can sit in a chair with your spine straight and also relaxed.
2. For a few minutes, observe the natural path of your breath as you inhale and exhale. As you do so, you will find yourself relaxing and becoming more present.
3. Say the following, either aloud or silently to yourself, “I welcome you, Divine Mother, into my heart.” Allow yourself to become aware of the presence of the spirit of Divine Mother within you. It will be very subtle, and real nonetheless. Feel the warm, nurturing presence of this universal Divine Mother within you. Allow this feeling to cradle you and fill you with love. Bathe in this energy as long as you like.
4. Next, imagine you are taking the hand of Divine Mother and, together with her, inviting Divine Father to come to you. Say the following, either aloud or silently to yourself, “I welcome you, Divine Father, into my heart.” Allow yourself to become aware of the presence of the spirit of Divine Father within you. Feel the strong, protective and caring universal Divine Father within you. Allow this feeling to embrace and fill you with love. Bathe in this energy as long as you like.
5. Now imagine yourself taking the hands of Divine Mother and Father and together, blending with the spirit of your Divine Child, “Welcome Divine Child, into my heart.” Become aware of the child within you as you create a circle of the Divine Family. Feel your innocence, your openness. As these three energies, which are part of you, blend together, let this energy expand throughout your whole body.
6. If you sit with this feeling for a few moments, you will experience a great sense of peace, ease and happiness. You may do this process once a day until you feel it has strengthened you, or do it when you decide it is needed.
I wish you well with this simple yet powerful meditation. I’d love to hear how it goes for you. Wishing you all wholeness and love.
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