How to be The One

How To Be The One by Roy Sheppard

This is a book about relationships. I wanted to know more about it after noticing that the author is known for ‘his kindness’, not something that you tend to see written about people these days. Personally I think kindness is a very important trait and I thank people who have been kind to me by actually saying, ‘thank you for your kindness’. I think that kindness has become under-rated in our hard-headed society and that we have lost some of our goodness as a result.

As a result I opened the book with a positive attitude, wanting to like it, which is not my usual response to self-help books (as in, not another one!).

Roy exhorts us to be honest with ourselves, about the kind of person that we are and to recognise that if we are looking for ‘the one’, we need to be ready by being ‘the one’ ourself. This seems self-evident now that he has said it but I am not sure that I had ever thought about relationships in that way.

I had an idea of what I was looking for but I don’t think that I had reflected that back on myself to check whether I have the attributes that I see as being so important than others. He helps us with this one, by providing an exercise for us to do.

He suggests that we imagine actually shopping for the perfect partner; choosing the attributes we want in the same way as you would chose the finest ingredients for a gourmet meal. Roy proposes character traits laid out in aisles, as in a supermarket. Aisle 1 contains traits that show the persons attitude towards life, Aisle 2 has traits demonstrating the persons attitude towards themselves, Aisle 3 those traits that reflect their attitude towards a partner and so on through 8 aisles. You wander through the aisles selecting just those traits that are important to you in a partner. This simple exercise is vastly illuminating in helping clear the way in deciding the type of person you are looking for.

Now, while you are shopping for your perfect partner they are in the supermarket filling their trolley with the traits they want in their perfect partner. So Roy asks that you have a look again down the aisles and see which of those traits you desire in others are ones that you yourself possess. Simple really, but a very effective tool to reveal not only what you are looking for but what type of person you are yourself.

There are other exercises too, to make us think about how selfish we are, about our atttitude to life, about how happy we are, etc. He is promoting ’emotional fitness’ and gives lots of good advice how to get there and then points out that once achieved, like physical fitness, they need on-going attention. He points out that we need to appreciate what we have, because it will make us happier. I think many of us in this society have so much that we are not good at doing just that. I have never known anyone who constantly thinks that the grass is greener elsewhere, to be a happy person.

The book covers those who are single and how to go about finding ‘the one’. It also covers people in relationships and how an existing relationship can be enhanced. It does it in a way that is down-to-earth and is full of common sense. I am not sure about the two appendices which are a list of turn offs for men and women. I believe they are based on interviews but they do tend to read like stereotypical lists. The only attribute on both lists was neediness!

However, for me this is not just a book about the big relationship in our life, ‘the one’, it can be applied to all of our life and relationships because it promotes decency and compassion in how we deal with one another.

It promotes kindness and for that I salute Mr Sheppard.

About the Author
Roy Sheppard is a relationship consultant and coach who has advised tens of thousands on a variety of relationship related topics. A former BBC reporter and journalist, Roy is a regular guest contributor on many radio stations. He has also written extensively for national and regional newspapers and magazines. An experienced conference speaker, for many years he was a guest lecturer at Cranfield School of Management’s fulltime MBA. He is also renowned as a world class conference moderator working repeatedly for a range of global corporations. Roy has written extensively on various aspects of relationships; personal as well as business. He is the author of Meet Greet and Prosper and Rapid Result Referrals.


For men and women who want to ensure they keep The One they have already. And for ALL singles who are determined to be READY when they find The One for them. There have never been so many single people on this planet. With the explosive growth in internet dating, you are now only a click away from being the Ex in N-ex-t. In this book, you will learn how to adopt and absorb the same qualities you find so essential in others. Life-changing wisdom, insights and practical ideas and advice to help you become that special person – for them. So he or she decides to stop their search once they’ve met you. How to be The One includes how to move from a ME mentality to being part of an US. This book also introduces the concept of your Emotional Core; the four key emotional qualities that provide you with the emotional stability, depth, and strength to make YOU as irresistible to them, as they are to you. Starting today.

Roy has also written about one of the least talked about relationship taboos. That book (co-authored with Mary T Cleary) is a detailed analysis and self-help guide for men and women who become the target of a dangerous woman. This book has two different titles. They are EXACTLY the same book. One title is politically correct (Venus: The Dark Side) the other is not! (That Bitch: Protect Yourself From Women with Malicious Intent). Rave reviews from male and female readers have confirmed the validity and relevance of this topic, despite it being criticised by those who may have something of a vested interest in not wanting too many people to know what these women get up to!

Venus, The Dark Side was reviewed in the October 2009 issue of the3rdi magazine.

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