The Psychology of Influence – Part 2

How have you been optimizing your influence since last time we connected?

What different things have you been doing?

Remember, if you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got. So if you want different and better results, you do different and better things. It’s that simple really.

This time I promised to share with you how powerful Modal Operators are. They sit within the linguistics element of NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Although the words are tiny, they have a massive impact on the brain and behaviour. So let’s look at those together.

A modal operator is an adverb that has a modifying effect on a verb. Any clearer? I thought not! Easier to explain with an example isn’t it! Which is something we need to think about on our websites, flyers etc – examples, not explanations. Anyhow, back to these important modal operators.

Think of something that you may be doing, let’s say ‘making those sales calls‘. Now say the following to yourself, and as you do just pause after you’ve said it and notice how your experience changes, and how you feel about that.

Notice which ones move you towards doing it, and which ones move you away. Which ones motivate and which ones demotivate.

Ready? Here we go:

* I should make those sales calls.

* I must make those sales calls.

* I have to make those sales calls.

* I’ve got to make those sales calls

* I may make those sales calls.

* I could make those sales calls.

* I can make those sales calls.

* I want to make those sales calls.

* I choose to make those sales calls.

* I am going to make those sales calls.

* I will make those sales calls

There are many further distinctions we could make about modal operators, but for now we’ll stick with the distinction of modal operators of necessity vs modal operators of possibility. Should, must, have to, got to, are modal operators of necessity.

Did you notice that they were demotivating, may even have made you feel stuck or trapped because they remove choice, and have echoes of negative parental/teacher communication. They create resistance and stress.

The language of a stressed person is peppered with should, must, have to, got to. It creates cortisol in the blood stream and lowers your immune function. And using them with others creates resistance and stress inside of them. Where you can, remove them from your vocabulary.

You’ll almost never get someone to be motivated to do anything if you use those words with them. And, given that you had a negative response to them too, find yourself easily removing them from your own inner talk … at least do if you want yourself to feel motivated to do something. Makes sense, doesn’t it. And remember this works with family and friends as well as with colleagues and clients. Use the good stuff with them too.

One more thing, making a cold call sounds highly uninviting. But what about making a hot and juicy call? Now there’s something that might motivate you more! Our labels for things can be off-putting, or inviting! Now go make those calls! Are you smiling! Good! Your caller will hear the smile in your voice and they are much more likely to attribute other positive qualities to you when they do.

So keep smiling, keep shining, keep a wild yeehaa in your soul, and keep on keepin’ on living a grander vision for your one wild and precious life.

Until next time..

Your success is Kath Temple’s business!

Kath is an MSc Business Psychologist, Trainer, Coach, NLP Master and NLP Trainer who has worked with NLP’s co-developer, Dr Richard Bandler, who highly recommends her trainings.

Paul McKenna regularly refers clients to her because she effects positive long-lasting change, fast.

Kath runs The Lifelong Learning Company, The Happiness Foundation, and World Change Agents.

She is an inspirational keynote speaker, feel free to check out her rave reviews on

Kath’s groundbreaking NLP training is running in March and October on Suffolk’s sunrise coast.

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